| hmmm |
[
07/08/09 - 12:26am] |
Have you ever had something that was so perfect you had to just let it go?
More because of the fact that you were deathly afraid that it was going to be gone in a second. And at the same time tried clenching on to something completely different that was completely wrong for you yet you couldnt let it go even after it was gone? Then instead of realizing what was the important part of your life you concentrated on what was already gone and never ment to be?
I have...
Then I tried filling that void with meaningless company. Which just makes me feel even more lonely, and meaningless..
I have nothing in my life but my bestfriend, and honestly she's all I will ever need in a bestfriend. she's amazing, and she can get me through anything and vise versa.
But this runs deeper then a friendship. its about my interal happiness and the lack of.
I'm dying inside, and no one knows. because i work to divert my feelings, and i hide them from everyone that would be there to help me.
I have this thing where i just run from everything, and put it on the back burner until it errupts and brings my world to a crashing hult.
I should be happy. I have a great job, and parents that love me, and a friend that would go to the ends of the world for me, but i cant help but feel sad. like something is missing and something that i cant grasp.
sometimes i feel like crying, and when i start i cant stop. i need more in my life then what i have. I feel like i have no direction, and i'm just going on a fast track to an empty life.
we've talked about our fairy tale express, and we know its not coming but ash and i we still pray.
thats a completely different problem. I know i'm rambeling, but i cant help it i have so many things going through my head right now that i cant help but freak out, and just write everything as it comes.
and then my poor cousin... i cant believe he is going to marry her, and have a baby, what has this world come to.
then my grandpa who's in the hospital and i havent even gone to see him. what kind of person am i. when ash was in the hospital i spent nights there...i didnt leave her side. i couldnt not when she was soo soo sick...
i've had so many bits of me taken away that i cant even comprehend whats me anymore. i'm gone and i'm broken. I've got nothing more too give to anyone, i'm like a robot. i literally go to they gym. go to work and hangout with ash..thats my life in a nutshell
its bed time. i have work tomorrow..and alot of working out to do.
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| Few and Far between... |
[
06/08/09 - 3:48pm] |
I havent wrote in a while, I feel like I've neglected my LiveJournal. Its quite depressing..
I've been having days were I've felt the need to write. So I'm back.
And I have a feeling I'll be writing alot more.
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[
07/14/06 - 10:28am] |
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i love this tour!
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| FRIDAY NIGHT!! |
[
07/07/06 - 6:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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break up song-american hi fi |
] |
So yah this has to be the worst night ever!
Its a fucking friday night and i have nothing to do at all!!
and this sucks because no ones home to do anything! i cant believe how lame i am. Im its 6.30 and i have no plans whats so ever!!!!!
UGH i need to do something NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hate myself.
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| SO YEAH |
[
07/06/06 - 4:16am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 energetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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trevor hall--lime tree |
] |
So yeah, well this was an interesting day!!
Well Tony and I broke up like a week ago, but still have feelings for each other, like when we're alone, good luck getting us off of eachother. That boy drives me crazy, I want him back so bad, and we were supposed to talk but we ended up doing something else while we were alone today, and yeah not complaining becuase its always amazing. But i mean, Im going to get insanly jealous if he hooks up with some other chick. So if any of you know TONY BONANDUCCI back off barbie, b/c im basically in love with that kid. I mean He can be a major ass, and act like he doesnt care about anything but i know he really does, and when he holds me i never want him to let me go. It just feels so right to be in his arms i love it, and i dont ever want to get rid of that feeling which is probably why, we still hang out like everyday, well that and the fact that all my friends hangout at his house so really i have no choice, and plus i really like hanging out with all them tony pisa dane mikey cory tim, sara, ya know the crew.
But all the same we keep telling each other that we need to talk face to face but when we're face to face and in a converstion environment, we DONT talk, we do a hole lotta other shit thats a lot more fun just not as important. Soon i just need to be like look i cant do this anymore, i know that im going to freak if i hear about you hookin up with someother girl even tho were not together it will get to me, so its either we're friends or nothing. b/c i cant do the fwb thing, b/c i care about you way to much, and i want to be with you...
sound good??
Yeah and today, he decided to let dane know that i dont like feet so today it was like a feet attack on me and i was freaking out i hate feet. thier gross!!! and aside from that tony once again was being an ass, right after he was being a sweetheart. i dont get men..all i know is that tony drives me wild, and i love it~
OH AND FOR SOME REASON I HAVE A TON OF EnERGY!!!
[peace nukkas]
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| hey hey |
[
07/05/06 - 4:40pm] |
Wow I havent been on here in forever, Alot of shit has happened since whenever the last time i've updated, i think im going to update more often.. i miss this thing!!!
Love you all dearly
got to go and beg my mother to let me and my cuz use the car for PANIC! @ the disco tonight!!
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| Woah |
[
12/07/05 - 12:30pm] |
I haven't written or looked at my livejournal since september Its been a really really long time...I miss this thing I used to write everything in here...
well here we go this is everthing that has happened to me since then..
Dave and I broke up and got back together a total of like 3 Times since september, at one point i thought it was really really over. I got in an accident in the beginning of october. I had to go to the hospital in the beginning of november, for a week or so, then i had court on the 21 of november for the accident and nothing happened to me they didnt take my licences away and i didnt have a fine to pay or nething, um..then ive just been pretty much hanging around trying to get my life on track and what not..I miss snowboarding, my parents arent letting me do it with the school this year in return they say that we'll be able to when the school goes so i can hang out with my freinds buts there going to drive me there, their so fucking stupid sometimes i cant stand them on occasion...and now im just liveing day by day..listening to music going to school getting good grades, ect..dealing with guys and all that jazz...I've been pretty sick for the past two days, and today im watching my little brothers and their being terrors...
=======================================================================
the playlist game...put all ur songs on one playlist, then but shuffle on and which ever 25 songs play first record them NO MATTER WHAT THEY ARE!
Wake-elseworth
haunt you everyday-weezer
rock star-everclear
boyfriend-ashlee simpson
cute without the e cut from the team-taking back sunday
figured you out-nickleback
space-something corporate
coin operated boy-the dresden dolls
the only difference-Panic! at the Disco
hey joe-jimmy and the boys
dance dance-fall out boy
nightmare-do it with malice
dirty little secret-all american rejects
portions for foxes-rilo kiley
the drive-standard of living
santeria-sublime
lyrical lies-cute is what we aim for
the words bestfriend-chiodos
written in red-two summers ago
soul meets body-death cab for cutie
swing life away-rise against
crash into me-dave matthews band
black balloon-goo goo dolls
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[
09/21/05 - 3:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 i love him |
] |
| [ |
music |
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trust makin memories of us keith urban |
] |
wow havent written in forever! Havent really had much to write about, but its not like people look in here anymore anyways..
but everythings well in my life, except for a few things but i cant complain...so im out peace
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| life is good! |
[
08/16/05 - 4:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 relieved |
] |
| [ |
music |
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sugarland...baby girl |
] |
Well It had been a while since I had seen my b/f and he came and saw me today! I was so glad to see him! I miss him oh so much. But now he's off at work! makin money, b/c he needs it and he's poor! Hopefully later tonight I'll be heading out to South Whales to Chill with some sweet people from camp! I can't wait to go! I want to see everyone so bad. And well it will just be a goodtime had by all!
I miss my babe! Oh So Much!
Oh went to the drive in yesterday! that was fun! I saw Bewitched and the Wedding Crashers. The wedding crashers was way better than Bewitched. I didnt really like bewithced. But i had fun hung out with my friends! It was kool. Had to jump start the car thankgod for mr.deitchs brother-in-law!! pHew...fun time fun time!
Im babysitting at the pardoe house hold for labor day weekend...ohh and im putting in an application at the new tops. so hopefully jenn will have a job again! seeing house summer camp jobs only last for the summer....
well im outters...
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| concert concert concert |
[
08/14/05 - 2:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
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jimmy eat world |
] |
Well last night i took a few of my friends to the greenday concert and we had a blast it was my friend chealseas birthday! we had so much fun and then we went to dennys after! it was fun.
i hate immature people.
i miss camp so much we had so much fun this summer, and i met dave, and i cant ever stop thinking about my baby!!! i miss him so much, and i wanted to be able to see him today...but well that didnt work b/c my mom wasnt home when crystal was going out to cheetawaga, and i couldnt go with out her knowing..and i was going to have dave meet me there. but oh well...if he has time tonight he's going to come out here and see me! maybe we'll go to the movies or something. idk.
he always makes an effort to make time for me! i swear that i am fallin in love with him. he treats me amazingly. even tho we've had our ups and downs we get thru it one way or the other!
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| are you feelin it? |
[
08/06/05 - 4:41pm] |
I dont know really whats going on in my life. Or anyone elses for that fact. I've been out of the loop on everything. Everyone else has been going to grad. parties and hanging out and then theres me, at camp 247. all the time not getting to go anywhere, ever! OHH
I GOT SEASON TICKETS TO THE SABERS!!!!!!! IM OH SO EXCITED!!
Going back to camp, tommarow Its our last session, then its over the greenday concert is on saturday night which is our staff night. so im going to miss a lil bit of that. only like four hours of it though so its not going to be too bad. im probably going to leave at like 6 and i'll be back at like 10.30! i cant wait to go!! its going to be so much fun!!!
Going to the drive in tonight hopefully!! to go see charlie and the chocolate factory!
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| GONE!` |
[
06/28/05 - 12:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
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falalalalalalalala...i have no idea~! |
] |
If you are a reader, and your reading thing after 2.30pm eastern time, on this lovely tuesday afternoon!! IM GONE!! for the summer so if you need and or want to talk, hangout ect. you may contact me at 432-1803<-- this is my cellular telephone! it will most likely be on all the time! and i can do anything anytime usually, if im not too busy!
I LOVE YOU ALL, AND EVERYONE OF YOU BETTER CALL ME TO HANGOUT!!!!
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| crazied weekend! |
[
06/26/05 - 11:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
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josh signing the cops theme song. |
] |
THIS WEEKEND was so amazing!
Friday:
Spent the etire day with a great group of kids!
Seth,Nicole,Terri,Katie,Janelle,aaron*foralilbit*,Jim. And well jims family was there, and so was his sisters friends. Wel i hung out at the town park with them for the entire day. TAlk to katie for hours about everything, and everything.
Saturday:
I hung out with crystal and went to the winery for fireworks then slept over.
Sunday:
Woke up at 10.30ish..got bk for breakfast and shopped!!!
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| Sick of wishing I was with hiM!!!!***just to realize, I'm not! |
[
06/25/05 - 3:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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we belong together...mariah carey. |
] |
BOY: I need someone to talk to ..
GiRL: I`m alwayz here for you.
BOY: I know.
GiRL: Whatz wrong?
BOY: I like her *s0o* much..
GiRL: Talk to her.
BOY: I don`t know.. she`ll never like me.
GiRL: Don`t say that. You`re amazing.
BOY: I just wanna tell her how I feel ..
GiRL: Then tell her.
BOY: She won`t like me.
GiRL: How do you know that?
BOY: I can just tell.
GiRL: Well, just tell her.
BOY: What should I say?
GiRL: Tell her how much you like her.
BOY: I tell her that daily.
GiRL: What youu mean?
BOY: I'm alwayz with her. I love her.
GiRL: I know how you feel. I have the same problem. But he`ll never like me.
BOY: Wait. Who do you like?¿
GiRL: Ooh, some boy..
BOY: Ooh, she won`t like me either.
GiRL: She does.
BOY: How do you know.. ?
GiRL: Because who wouldn`t like you?
BOY: You..
GiRL: You`re wrong. I love you.
BOY: I love you too.
GiRL: .. so are you going to talk to her?
BOY: I just did.
*IF YOU REALLY LIKE SOMEONE REPOST THIS*
: Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot . . .
. . . who calls you back when you hang up on him . . .
. . . who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead . . .
. . . who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats . . .
. . . who holds your hand in front of his friends . . .
. . . who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on.
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, ". . . that's her."
Guys . . .
Find a girl who calls you BABE or baby face instead of HOT or SEXY . . .
. . . who can't stand it when you hang up on her . . .
. . . who would sit there for hours looking into your eyes . . .
Wait for the one who doesn't care what you look like, but what's inside counts the most . . .
. . . who looks at you with the twinkle in her eyes and kisses you on the cheek instead of the lips . . .
. . . who wants to be with you in public . . .
. . . who makes you smile just by knowing she loves/likes you back.
Wait for the girl who is a constant reminder of your happiness and joy.
Wait for the girl who you give piggy back rides to in public and she still is in view of her friends, while she gets off and you hear her go: "you're the one for me, for always."
If you open this, you have to repost it, guy or girl.
or be cursed with relationship problems for the rest of your life
WHO CARES THESE ARE SOME OF THE CUTEST/SADDEST THINGS I'VE READ!!!
|
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| peotic tradigy |
[
06/25/05 - 12:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the sounds of nature...my windows are open. |
] |
Body: This is really sad. If you have problems in your relationships, try and fix them. Dont pretend its okay. Dont push your s away, they are everything to you. Maybe the best thing for you. Listen to them, Treat them like princesses, go out of your way once and a while for them, take care of them when they are sad, and dont let go.
Girl: hey baby i want to show you....
Boy: ( cutting her off ) ugh i'm so mad
Girl: why? whats wrong ?
Boy: ugh everything
Girl: explain baby
Boy: just lost a championship game,
parents flipped out on me for no reason,
and im catching a cold
Girl: well hey there will always be other games,
you know ill take care of you when your sick,
what your parents flip about ?
Boy: they are making me pay them for a car repair
Girl: is it alot of money
Boy: no it just sucks
Boy: but hey i dont feel well im going to go lay down
Boy: bye
Girl: wait i want to give you some...
Boy: cant it wait til tommorow ?
Girl: yeah sure
Girl: bye
Boy: bye
2 hours later a friend of hers asks her to go for a drive ...she goes.....
her friend swerved to avoid a truck....hitting a tree instead
her friend was killed instantly....shes in critical condition
This is the conversation between her sister and her boyfriend
Sister: omg ( crying )
Boy: what? whats wrong ?
Sister: my sister...your gf was involved in a major car wreck
Boy: is she ok ? ?????
Sister: shes in critical condition
Boy: i'll be there in 10 minutes
He shows up to the hospital room ...standing outside the door
going over the last conversation in his mind over and over as he
heard the machines beep and beep and breathing tubes pump
Boy: she wanted to give me something or tell me something
Girls mom: yeah this...
it was an envelope smelling like she did sealed with a kiss in lipstick
he opened it.....
it said ..... your everything to me....i love you with everything i am
and everything i have...i want to spend the rest of my life with you
sealed in it was a ripped movie ticket from the first movie they went to
and the first picture they took together
he kissed the picture as a tear fell from his face onto the picture
it looked as if in the picture she was crying
then the machines flatlined....3 minutes later she was pronounced
I deffinatly stole this from Taressa, but it must be one of the saddest things i've ever read! I cried right after I read the part about the accident. I miss him, I care about him more than anyone can possibly know. I dont know why, we werent even really even going out, but I just do! and I cant help the way I feel for him. I wish he knew exactly how I felt about him. And could realize that 7 weeks is just to long to be without him. To know that, I dont care about how often we'll see each other just as long as I hear his voice, even if I could only see/hear him for a min. or even 5 secs. It would be the best time I could ever have.
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| OUCH!! |
[
06/24/05 - 10:52am] |
| [ |
mood |
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hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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aint no holler back gurl...gwen stafani |
] |
My arm hurts so bad right now!! I had to go and get blood work done! And now my arm is all bruised up!! It hurts really bad.
Well heres the story...as to what happened on 6-22!
well It was just a normal day.
Then, Jim and I were going to hangout, then we didnt.
In his away message it read out with nicole..I was crushed.
But its not like we were officially going out or nething.But
it still hurt like we were. Then he called me at like 8.30
And told me that during summer he's really busy and with me
going away to camp. A real relationship would be hard. And
he wanted to go out with me when he had time to give the
relationship the time and attention it needed. So once again.
I let him go without a fuss. I have a habbit of doing that.
But were still friends, and I'm still going to his fam. Party
today in hamburg. I dont know I sorta feel weird, but if i dont
go then it really will be over. And not to mention he still has
my very expensice SUN GLASSES!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe after we hangout today we can talk things over, and be together.
Well im out...
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| FINALLY IM DONE!!!!!!!!!!1 |
[
06/22/05 - 11:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 avoiding going back to the HS |
] |
| [ |
music |
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beverly hills...weezer!!! |
] |
Well I'm officially done with School!! I just got out of my last exam. Im so happy! Its amazing. Its offically Summer only thing is now i leave in 6 DAIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jimmy's birthday is in 4 dais its this sunday. And im supposed to go shopping today. But i dont think i will be but whatev. I'll find a way to get him a nice present for his bday!
OMFG MY CELL PHONE BATTERY CAME IN TODAY IM SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY!!! YOU HAVE KNOW IDEA!! ITS AMAZING AND IT CAME EVEN EARIER THAN THE GUY SAID IT WOULD!!! HOW AMAZING IS THAT!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!? omfg IM SOOO SO0O0O0O0O0O0O0O HAPPY!!!!!!
Well im out i have to make mattie and his friend food.! and then I get to walk all the way to the school WHOOP WHOOP!
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| VIDIO IQ IS something new` |
[
06/21/05 - 2:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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hawthorne heights |
] |
Omfg Well lets see!!
I leave in ohh 7 dais
Jimmy's bday in in 5 dais
Prolly having a bonfire in 4 dais
Bio exam..in ohh 1 dai..its tommarow~!!
August 13th greenday concert!
July 26th Warped TOur `05! baby!!!
and well sometime in sept. 3 doors down.
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| whoot whoot |
[
06/17/05 - 6:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
chipper |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the sounds of 4 girls having an orgasm!! w/out men!!!!!!!!!! |
] |
Part Free Love Kisser |
Of all the kissing types, you've racked up the most experience
Kissing is no big deal to you - you'll kiss anyone you find hot!
It's easy for you to take the plunge and make the first move.
And you don't really consider kissing to be cheating! | Part Freaky Kisser |
When you kiss, you want to experience something new
A new technique, a new partner, a new piercing...
And your own personal kissing style is very unpredictable
There's no saying where your tongue or hands will go |
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trojan_jen's journal
